DARKNESS BEFORE DAWN: LIGHTHOUSES ~ MY LIFELONG SYMBOL OF HOPE

In my previous post, “My Phoenix Rising from the Ashes”, I began sharing about the cognitive shift that took place when my life fell to ruins. I didn’t share that this took place when I was 44 years old. I had spent my 30’s as a stay-at-home mom, my late 30’s and early 40’s as a graduate student and beginning my career as a School Counselor.

I absolutely LOVED my first position working at a private high school and had the joy of building the start of a School Counseling Program. I easily could have spent my career in this position but I was lured away by the offer of “my dream job” and the opportunity to return to my hometown.

Unfortunately, I very quickly realized that I was not cut out for this kind of position in this kind of setting. There were SO many factors that went into making one of the HARDEST decisions of my life. I resigned from my dream job and settled into the “depths of despair”.

I had uprooted my family for a job that I was walking away from. And any passion I felt for working with children and youth was completely gone. I would not return to a career in School Counseling. I was 44 years old and I now had no idea what I was going to do when I grew up.

I spent the next year and a half putting myself and my family back together. It really can be done dear ones. During this time I focused first on my own healing and growth because I recognized two important things:

1. If I don’t take care of myself, I am of no use to anyone else.

2. If I don’t discover WHO I am and start to live my own life, by the grace of God, I would be miserable the rest of my days.

I had finally become “Sick and tired of being sick and tired.” And because of that, I found the motivation to create:

💡 Awareness➕Choose New Actions ♻️ Repeating Over and Over 2️⃣ Create Change ‼️

Never before in my life was I to experience a more pivotal, life changing moment. Every single day I woke up and CHOSE life, healing, hope, family, love, and forgiveness. It changed me from the inside out.

As I wrote those words, it occurs to me that I could write pages and pages on the lessons God taught me about choosing life, healing, hope, family, love, and forgiveness. Perhaps, they will be lessons to revisit now, as I embrace this new chapter of dream chasing. I don’t believe it is ever a waste of time to celebrate how far one has come while looking forward to the dreams of the future.

As time passed I felt a stirring in my heart that would not be denied. I missed working with youth. On a whim, I decided to reach out to the owner of a local counseling agency to inquire about any positions in working with youth. What I walked away with was an opportunity that changed the entire trajectory of my life.

My MS-Ed in K-12 School Counseling from Concordia University-Mequon (Wisconsin) also allowed me to pursue a Licensed Professional Counseling Master’s Degree. It was a career path I had decidedly chose AGAINST my whole life. And here a new opportunity was unfolding before me, a path I had felt certain I did not want. I discovered however, that by journeying down the painful path of healing, growth, and recovery, I actually found MYSELF and MY LIFE CALLING in the place I least expected it! I feel the raw emotions well up within me once again just writing these words. It was true then and remains true to this day.

From the very first moment that I saw my first client as a counselor in the private clinical setting, it was as if my entire life up to that very moment now made sense. By finding myself, I found my calling in serving others.

I am not completely certain, why all of these musings on my life are almost writing themselves on the pages of this blog (when this blog was intended to challenge myself to pursue all my dreams). Yet the words just seem to be tumbling from heart to page. And I do find myself hoping they will inspire someone along the way, to choose life, to choose healing, to never give up. Sometimes the darkest of nights, give way to the most beautiful dawn. 🌅

Blessings and hope dear ones,

Christine