I have always been a person, for as long as I can remember, that feels things deeply. Like in my heart. My eyes leak (like the Grinch says). At times I have visceral reactions to injustices and other people’s pain.
There was a day that I LOATHED this part of me. I did not want to feel so deeply. I didn’t know what to do with the depth and breadth of my emotions. It lead to many problems in my life as I tried to outrun, stuff, not feel what I felt.
Of course, looking back, I understand now that I struggled with depression from my early teens on. That led to an eating disorder and other unhealthy means of coping.
But by working my own process of healing, growth, and recovery I have experienced the peace, joy, confidence, love, and healing that ARE on the other side of the pain. It’s why I BELIEVE in working a process because I know it works. I am living proof.
However, to circle the wagon back to my opening statement about my personal truth… I feel deeply…
I now accept it. It is a part of my makeup. How God created me. Because of that and because of my own life experiences, it keeps me grounded in the human condition, MY human condition.
Why I am writing about this on this beautiful spring like morning, is because my body feels the trouble of my soul.
You see, I am a member of many different Facebook groups and other social media platforms.
This morning I am unsettled by the harsh and cruel comments posted on social media platforms by individuals that I would consider global colleagues.
I am left pondering and grieving and feeling… and asking myself “Why?” and “What can I DO about this?”
I find myself angry, truly angry at what feels like a lack of love and compassion for our neighbors. Not just that however, I realize how harsh, judge-mental, unyielding, dismissive we can often be towards those closest to us.
As I ponder these things, I return to what I have learned. I must first look within. I must start with myself. I must root out the examples of that which bothers me in others and remove it in my own heart and life.
For example, I have always been bothered by those that judge others. Perhaps I have felt judged and it doesn’t feel good.
But guess what? I have discovered that I “reverse judge”.
That’s right. I judge the “judgers” and thereby, dare I be honest enough, to say feel better about myself?
The reality is that I am doing the exact same thing. And worse? Putting myself on a self-righteous platform while doing it.
While condemning those that judge, I am judging those that judge. (I don’t just feel deeply, I think deeply as well. Lol)
This is not the love that I seek to see in the world towards others. It is the opposite. And I do not like to see it in myself.
I am working towards creating my own awareness of when I “reverse judge”. When I recognize it, I no longer accept it. I acknowledge that it is not a mindset or “heart state of being” that is okay with me.
It takes some work I admit. I must push my pause button to examine what is taking place in my own heart. I challenge myself to look at the person and the situation (that I think is judging) from a lens of love, an acceptance of where a person is at.
It is changing the internal place that I function from and I enact new actions that promote love and acceptance.
A dear and fellow blogger from Out an About blog (see “Starting Fresh in 2021” link below) talks about cleansing our lives of that which no longer serves us.
I vow to do a “Reverse Judging” cleanse.
I vow to look in the mirror and take a good hard look at what else needs to be cleansed. Because if I want the world to be a little more loving, a little more forgiving, I must start with myself. It is really quite humbling.
But as with any journey worth embarking on, I “know that I know that I know”, it WILL be worth it.
We can change our corners of the world by changing, growing, healing and sharing that with others. Won’t you join me?
Blessings dear ones,